MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 1 UNAUTHORIZED OWNER’S MANUAL
MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM Page 2 UNAUTHORIZED OWNER’S MANUAL This manual is not intended to help you understand the operation and maintenance of your motor vehicle. Rather, it is meant to provide you with invaluable information that would, under normal driving conditions, take most car owners months to discover for themselves. Information that has been painstakingly gleaned from many hours of vehicle operation.
The Boot, the Bonnet & Commander Cooper 4 Detailing 4 Assigned Cabin Seating 4-5 Best Places to Stash Stuff in your MINI Coin Caddy 8 Toll Ticket Cranny 8 Glove/Ice Box Cooling/Heating Feature 8-9 Strategic Golf Club Placement 9 How to Fit a Bike 9 Secret Jogging Key Nook 10 Additional Storage Info 10 Customizing your MINI Motoring Accessories 12 Making Your Own Dashboard Figurines 13 Air Fresheners 14 Cockpit Toggle Switch Conversation Starters 15 2 Proper Use of Bumper Stickers 15-16 Accelerator Wah-Wa
Page 6 THE BASICS Fig. 1 MINI Inkblot Test – Seeing bug splatters is a healthy sign you’re discovering your MINI’s true personality. 4 Fig. 2 Your MINI turns a car wash into a foam party! [Refer to Making Room for Romance Section] BASICS STASH one is active while another is passive. In a MINI, all are actively engaged in the enjoyment of motoring. However, there are a few specific responsibilities by seat assignment: 1. Pilot/Motorer (a.k.a. El Capitan, Skipper, Mac Daddy).
CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI MINIUSA.COM MAKING ROOM FOR ROMANCE IN YOUR MINI MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI ESSENTIALS OF GOOD MOTORING MOJO TROUBLESHOOTING Fig. 4 Instead of calling "shotgun", call "slingshot". It’s a David and Goliath thing. Your MINI may be small, but it packs a punch.
11:49 AM Page 10 BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI 1. Coin Caddy Technically engineered as the beverage holder. Reinvented by resourceful you as the handy loose change receptacle. CAUTION: When parking in low-lit urban areas, cover all exposed coinage with cup. 8 • • • Cooling/Heating Feature Turns your MINI’s glove box into a mini refrigerator for chilling contents to 50˚ Fahrenheit. For emergency roadside candy bars and spare hero sandwiches.
BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI MAKING ROOM FOR ROMANCE IN YOUR MINI Additional storage information Pizza Capacity: The passenger’s side floor accommodates four large pies stacked. MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI Fig. 8 & 9 The jogging key nook.
CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI Chia Pet® is a registered trademark of Joseph Enterprises, Inc. and is used by permission CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI Fig. 11 Making Your Own Dashboard Figurines: The Icons of Good Motoring Mojo 12 TROUBLE Fig. 10 The G-Force Chia Pet®: Tilt Chia Pet face down and grow as directed. Then display on dashboard facing forward for realistic pulling-Gs windblown effect. Assembly: 1. Cut out body pattern. 2. Fold together at feet. Connect A and B. 3.
Page 16 CUSTOMIZE STASH Cockpit Toggle Switch Conversation Starters Refer to your factory-authorized MINI owner’s manual to familiarize yourself with the layout of all dashboard instrumentation. Then refer to the pre-printed labels (included with this manual) for your own personalized customization. Proper Use of Bumper Stickers Recommended: 1. Motorer-related stickers function like post cards to strangers from a life welllived: "This car climbed Mt.
Below, the top three bumper sticker faux pas: BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI Fig. 15 Fill in the blank, go directly to jail. MAKING ROOM FOR ROMANCE IN YOUR MINI Fig. 16 An all-time classic bad idea. MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI ESSENTIALS OF GOOD MOTORING MOJO Fig. 17 Your friends will laugh. ‘Til it’s time to pay the bail.
Fig. 18 Holding hands while shifting lets you motor along in your relationship: First gear. Second gear. Third gear. Nothing but green lights. 18 STASH Dating tips for married people Your MINI can be a great source of escape from the ruts of everyday life. 1. Make a hot date. With your spouse. Act like complete strangers. 2. Remove child seats (if applicable) and 9-to-5 baggage. 3. Motor around block and pick her up at "her place".
BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI MAKING ROOM FOR ROMANCE IN YOUR MINI MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI ESSENTIALS OF GOOD MOTORING MOJO TROUBLESHOOTING Fig. 20 The aphrodisiac effects of adrenaline & tire cleaner. 20 Fig. 21 STASH Unconventional Use of Headlamps to Attract Attention Your MINI’s halogen lights are integrated into the bonnet (hood). Subsequently, raising the bonnet raises the headlamps.
11:49 AM Page 24 MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI BASICS 7/16/02 CUSTOMIZE STASH 2. Tapping on the roof adds additional percussion, though care should be taken that any rings on fingers do not scratch your MINI’s distinctive black or white roof factory finish. ROMANCE 3. Playing the tubular door bezel: Syncopated banging upon the silver door tube adds bass. Adjust levels with a thump to the armrest. The door bezel is your conga. 4.
CUSTOMIZING YOUR MINI MAKING ROOM FOR ROMANCE IN YOUR MINI MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC WITH YOUR MINI ESSENTIALS OF GOOD MOTORING MOJO Fig. 25 MINI Performance Art. Oftentimes, the rhythm of the road can inspire sudden improvisational dances such as the spontaneous “Red Light Fire Drill” shown above.
Page 28 Fig. 26 Connect red to red. Black to ground. Stranger to stranger. 26 STASH Index Finger Salute Subtle. Sublime. "’Sup!" Peace Sign Though flower-powered Minis never lined the interstates leading to Woodstock, N.Y., Minis did enjoy a rather colorful bohemian past shuttling shaggy-haired hipsters from Liverpool to Amsterdam in the 60s. Then, as now, love is all you need. That and petrol. Thumbs Up Appropriate when paying homage to Classic Mini owners.
11:49 AM Page 30 ESSENTIALS OF GOOD MOTORING MOJO THE BASICS Sharing your MINI Use this simple diagnostic checklist to help you decide who is qualified to borrow your MINI in the likely event friends, relatives and coworkers should all request to use it simultaneously. The one who answers every question correctly gets to motor on. BEST PLACES TO STASH STUFF IN YOUR MINI BASICS 7/16/02 STASH MINI 10535 UOM 5.
TROUBLESHOOTING TROUBLESHOOTING Rotating your Shorts in Public Whether wiggling out of soggy swim trunks at the beach, or slipping into moisture-wicking bike shorts for a ride in the country, follow these instructions for taking it all off and putting it all back on. And save yourself the lewd & lascivious downtime. CAUTION: Car doors should not be used as privacy screens by those over 6’ tall.
ADDITIONAL READING: On the Road…Jack Kerouac There’s No Toilet Paper on the Road Less Traveled The Best of Travel Humor…Lansky Roadfood: 500 Diners, Farmland Buffets, Lobster Shacks, Pie Palaces and Other All-American Eateries…Jane & Michael Stern Fodor’s Flashmaps of NY, Washington, D.C., Chicago & San Francisco Fodor’s How to Pack...Laurel Cardone The Book of Motoring...MINI TROUBLE GOOD MOJO MUSIC BOOKS ON TAPE: Road Rage Relaxation…Dean Montalbano NOTE: MEDITATION TAPE ONLY.
MINI 10535 UOM 7/16/02 11:49 AM MINIUSA.COM ©2002 MINI, a division of BMW NA, LLC.
